The he in the title is none other than my husband. He gets on my nerves on more occasions than my 3 year old and he is worse than the kid. I can totally manage my kid but have tough time even understanding the 34yr old 

 

Let me give you a little flash back before today’s happenings. My son started talking by the age of 2 and I don’t know from where he came to a conclusion that anything that broke or is out of shape in the house is because of dad. Our front door’s knob hits the wall when ever we opened the door ruthlessly and slowly the mark became a hole. My son points at the hole and tells everybody who comes to our house that dad broke this wall and made a hole. He sounds so cute when he says that and I smile not sure why? My husband calls it sadism. What ever…

 

This is one example, anything and everything in the house that is broken or shows a sign of natural wear and tear is done by dad. Now did I tell you that my husband is very revengeful? Yes, he is. Little did I know that he has been waiting for more than a year to take revenge for all the allegations made? Today morning (Sunday, weekend having a very bad headache I wanted to sleep till 9.00am at least) my son as usual woke up at 7.30am and came to our bed room. Usually my mom takes care of him in the morning. Today he wanted to sleep with us and so he crawled into the sheets and got cozy.

 

He directs all his questions to me and this time I made it very clear to my husband: Kid, today dad will answer all your questions, turn towards him and ask. And I warned my husband that I am not waking up till 9.00 no matter what. (To all the husbands and dads who are already showing concern to my husband I am not keeping good health and I am entitled to this at least once a year)

 

So the conversation between the dad and son started. My son spotted a mark on the ceiling and asked what that was?

 

Dad: It is Daag the fire!

 

Me: What? He does not know Hindi to start with. In Hindi Daag means mark. And he said Daag the fire (that was a stupid meaning less title given to a Sanjay Dutt’s movie) why on earth would he say that?

 

Son: Daag the fire? Where is fire?

 

Dad: OK it is not fire. It is Daag. Meaning a mark

 

Son: Who made the mark? Did you make it? Did you break it?

 

Me: Smiling 

 

Dad: No. Your mom made it.

 

Son: How? How did she go up there?

 

Dad: She became spider man went up there, broke the wall and came down and slept on the bed.

 

Me: What? Are you insane? How can you even come up with that story? You are horrible.

This is one of the 1000 reasons I prefer to answer all my son's questions.

 

Dad: You sleep. I am not talking to you. All these days you kept smiling when he blamed me and now it is time for revenge. You know I wont give up that easy. Now time has come.

 

Son: Dad, talk to me. Don’t talk to mom. So mom did it?

 

Dad: Yes son. She did it.

 

Son: How could she?

 

Me: What? When did he learn to say that?

 

Son: Mom! How could you do that to the wall? You are so bad. I am not happy with you. I am giving you a sad face. That’s it.

 

(My son’s teacher draws a sad face if he does not do his project well so that’s where it is coming from)

 

Dad: (As if that was not enough) so which face will I get son?

 

Son: Dad! You did a good job of telling me about mom (Me: What????) I will give you a smiling face. We both will get a smiling face because we are good boys.

 

(In an angry tone) mom will get a sad face because she is a bad girl and did that to the wall.

 

Me: How could he do this to me? No not my kid my husband.